Breaking the Chains: My Journey from "Good Mormon Boy" to Authentic Living

Growing up in a culture that celebrated the title of "Good Mormon Boy" was a double-edged sword, presenting both advantages and disadvantages that shaped my early experiences and identity in profound ways.

On one hand, this title was a badge of honor, symbolizing moral integrity, strong values, and a commitment to God.

It instilled a sense of belonging and pride, as being recognized as a "Good Mormon Boy" meant adhering to the teachings and principles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, which emphasized kindness, service, and dedication to faith. This praise often came with the love and support of those around me, promoting a shared sense of purpose and encouraging youth to offer service and help those in need, reinforcing a strong foundation upon which to build character.

However, on the flip side, the pressure to constantly embody the idealized characteristics associated with being a "Good Mormon Boy" was overwhelming. There was an unspoken expectation to never falter, to always display unwavering faith, and to lead a life devoid of mistakes, which was not only unrealistic but also created an enduring sense of anxiety. The fear of disappointing family members, peers, and the broader community loomed large, making it difficult to express individuality or explore personal beliefs that might diverge from traditional norms.

This internal conflict sometimes led to feelings of inadequacy, as I wrestled with both the desire to conform to these expectations and the innate human urge for self-discovery and authenticity.

Within the church, I was taught that my worth was intrinsically linked to my adherence to strict guidelines that dictated nearly every aspect of my life. This included everything from who I dated to what type of underwear I wore, the clothing I chose, and even the jewelry I adorned myself with. The intention behind these rules was to guide me toward a righteous life, but in reality, they often felt more like chains that restricted my freedom.

These guidelines bound me to a version of myself that I didn’t fully recognize or fully embrace. Instead of encouraging personal growth and self-discovery, they created a fear of judgment and a constant need for approval. Each decision was weighed against the expectations of the community, leading to a conflict between desire for acceptance and the longing to express my true self.

The label of "Good Mormon Boy" came with an immense weight of expectations.

I felt pressure to conform to a mold that I knew I did not fit in. Whenever I strayed from this prescribed path, I was met with an overwhelming sense of guilt that lingered long after the action. It was as if every misstep was a reflection of my worthiness, and I was constantly reminded that any misfortune in my life was a direct result of my 'sins' or shortcomings. This belief system robbed me of my happiness and made it incredibly difficult to create positive change in my life.

Over the years as I went through the photos throughout my life, I stop at this photo I found of myself in 2007, and wish that I could give this hurting soul a big hug and just let him know it will be okay, they are loved and cared for.

The weight of these expectations stifled my voice, muffled my dreams, and constructed invisible barriers around my emotions.

As time passed, (and moving to Utah to try to conform) the realization started to dawn on me: I was not merely a product of someone else’s standards. I began to question the narratives that had been imposed upon me and sought to understand my own desires, ambitions, and values. Each step toward self-acceptance was met with resistance, but it fueled my determination to break free from the chains of guilt and judgment.

Slowly, I learned to embrace imperfections as part of the human experience. I found solace in understanding that mistakes do not define my character or my future. With every act of self-compassion, I chipped away at the guilt that had held me captive for so long. 

It became clear that true worthiness comes from within, and that the journey toward authenticity is fraught with challenges but ultimately leads to deeper fulfillment and joy.

Breaking free from the mold required courage and resilience, but it also opened up a world of possibilities. I began to cultivate supportive relationships and surround myself with those who celebrated individuality rather than conformity. It was a gradual process, but with each passing day, I reclaimed my happiness and the power to shape my own destiny, unchained from past constraints.

I often found myself in relationships that didn’t align with my true self, simply because I felt pressured to conform to the ideals of what a "Good Mormon Boy" should pursue. The fear of judgment from my community loomed large, and I often felt like I was living a lie. The guilt of wanting to explore different types of relationships or to simply be myself was suffocating.

I began to question the beliefs and values that had been instilled in me. I started to realize that everything happens for a reason, and my journey was meant to lead me to a place of authenticity. I began to understand that the guilt I felt was not a reflection of my worth but rather a product of a system that prioritized conformity over individuality.

Breaking free from the chains of guilt was not an easy process. It required me to confront the fears and anxieties that had been ingrained in me for so long. I started to embrace the idea that it was okay to make choices that felt right for me, even if they didn’t align with the expectations of my upbringing.

As I shed the weight of guilt, I discovered a newfound sense of joy and freedom. 

I learned that my worth is not determined by my adherence to a set of rules but by my ability to be true to myself. I found happiness in embracing my individuality and celebrating the unique qualities that make me who I am.

I’ve come to realize that it’s okay to question the beliefs and values that have been handed down to us. It’s okay to seek out our own truth and to create a life that aligns with our authentic selves. The process of breaking free from the label of a "Good Mormon Boy" has been liberating, and I am grateful for the lessons learned along the way.

If you find yourself feeling trapped by expectations or guilt, know that you are not alone. 

Embrace your journey, and remember that it’s never too late to break free and live authentically. Life is too short to be anything but happy, and you deserve to create a life that reflects who you truly are.

My journey from being a "Good Mormon Boy" to embracing my authentic self has been a transformative experience. It has taught me the importance of self-acceptance, the power of individuality, and the beauty of living a life free from guilt. I encourage anyone who feels the weight of societal or cultural expectations to take that brave step toward authenticity. You are worthy of happiness, and your true self deserves to shine.